Three Reviews today folks…mine and ninja review

You see these pictures…over 300 hundred ninjas total in the photos.

I walk into the theater late with my friend Darren and I see a nice simple scene that looks like boy meets girl…lets just say that it ends with a head in a washing machine. The movie is bad ass because he’s not just a ninja…he’s a ninja that kills other ninjas! We could also call him a ninja assassin (that’s the title). When watching this movie, you must be aware that there are actually more ninjas in the scenes then you think. I’m gonna be honest about this movie…I enjoyed but its not a good movie but its not bad either. Its just an okay action movie/the not good movie that the twilight girl’s bfs are gonna see (the ones who don’t need to watch it with their gfs to get laid). The basic story is that there is Ninja who quit the clan that he was in which doesn’t go over with his clan well so right now, he’s hiding/killing ninjas. Then there’s this hott woman whose working for some government but she’s really not important except for the fact that super bad ass ninja is trying to protect her. The pacing isn’t good as first mainly because the first 20 minutes or so is dedicated to two things on and off…one hottie government woman saying “Ninjas? Are they real? I dunno but something is amiss.” (which honestly isn’t too bad) but then the other half is the Ninja bad ass working out showing his version of Tai Bo and that’s like ooo cool for like 5 seconds then bored. To be honest the story lacks in a lot of areas and the characters are ridiculously one dimensional but lets be honest guys…all of you guys who see it are like the girls who went to see twilight…your not there for the story…your there to see edward and jacob without shirts but for us guys…we in our movie want to see Ninjas fighting! There is so much ninja action at times that it is bad ass. There are so many limbs and body parts that its like a giant bloody mess (weirdly enough there are no decapitations). So in the end, if you want story then don’t go…if you want a good movie don’t go…if you want a lot of ninja action, GOO!!!!! NOW!!!!!…if you want to see actor, Rain without his shirt a lot then maybe go…if you want to see actor, Rain without his shirt a lot but love the blood covering his chest then you’ll want to go.

I say 4 stars only out of fear of being killed by a ninja (1 1/2 stars…sorry)

Ninja Review: *wind*

Well that concludes my review for Ninja Assassin…the next movies I will review will be Avatar and Sherlock Holmes.

Ultimate DeeDoo Reviews:Twilight NEW MOON

Hold your boos and tomatoes. This movie deserves to be reviewed

because it has broken some box office records and has the third highest opening weekend of all time behind Spider-man 3 and The Dark Knight. So…with no further interruptions, I’d like to start the review. Oh wait…um…yeah…I decided to divide this review up into two sections…one for a normal review/rant and one for fans of twilight and the movies based on the book which I had written by two twilight fans.

Normal Review/Rant

*spoiler alert* (like you care if there are spoilers and if u do…u already know how the fourth books ends so u don’t care either) This movie is not terrible. It’s not good but it’s certainly not terrible. The basic story is that Edward Cullin (vampire teen who makes 200 twilight fans cum per millisecond plus he sparkles like a disco ball) leaves Bella because he needs to protect her so Bella goes emo and stays to herself for like 3 months or half a year until she meets Jacob who eventually turns out to be a wolf…*snickers* and until jacob leaves her about 20 mins after Edward leaves her. Through out this whole movie, Bella mainly just mopes around and complains about how she wants to see Edward/tries to hurt herself so that Edward can appear and tell her “That’s a bad Bella!”,  or about how she misses Jacob. This story does actually have some good elements in it. There are actually characters in this story that are slightly interesting and make me curious to learn more. (Too bad that they are not the main characters!!!) During the course of the movie, there is actually some interesting mythology that makes me say “Oh I am actually a little interested.” (Too bad it is overshadowed by the plot) The problem is that the movie is too concerned about pleasing all the people who have made Edward and Jacob into unrealistic gods who even if they were real…women would not want to be around them because in the real world, we have a name for people like them…STALKERS!!!!! PSYCHOPATHS!!!! EMOS!!!!!! The other problem is that the main characters suck!!!!! Edward is “I’m Emo and without Bella I’m as good as dead. Watch me Sparkle, World!” While Jacob is “BELLA love me but I’m also dangerous and have dog breath!” and Bella is like “EDWARD! VAMPIRE!  EDWARD!” But seriously, Bella is the worst main character in the history (Yes, ladies and gents…she actually makes one-dimensional actions heroes seem like complex characters) but she is just a whiny character that was only created so that a bunch of women who feel insecure and unloved can have someone who they can relate to. I mean FUCK IS SHE DUMB!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!

sorry about that. I’m good…woo but seriously folks, She sucks and even most twilight fans agree that Bella sucks, so that just says something about how bad of a character she is. So to break it down for you…unless your a fan of the twilight books don’t see this movie, if you’re a fan of watching shirtless men/17-year-old boys take off their shirts then go ahead and watch this or if you want to have some good laughs go and see this movie…there are plenty of scenes that were down right hilarious.

Twilight Fan Review

Girl 1: OMG!!!!!!!!!! EDWARD!!!!! JACOB!!!!!  BEST MOVIE EVER!!!!!!

Girl 2: EDWARD IS SO HOTT!!!!! I CAME LIKE A 100 TIMES!!!!!

Girl 1: JACOB TAKES OFF HIS SHIRT IN LIKE EVERY SCENE!!!!!

Girl 2: I WOULD FUCK JACOB LIKE AN ANIMAL!!!!Its true cause he’s wolf.

Girl 1:  But Jacob is only 17. That’s illegal in some states.

Girl 2: I DON’T CARE SALLY!!!!!!!! I LOVE JACOB AND JACOB LOVES ME!!!!! AND ONE DAY WE’LL HAVE WOLF BABIES!!!!!

Well on that note I’ll conclude my first movie review…I hope you enjoyed it a lot and will come back for the other movies that I’ll review. The next one that I will review will be Ninja Assassin.

Note: Ultimatedeedoo lost over a 1000 thousand man cards while watching this movie.