“A Working Class Hero is Something to Be”

Music is such a wonderful medium to communicate with the people of the world.  I don’t even need to explain how that is so true.  One thing that really bugs me, however, is that music is being used as a corporate driven manufacturing mechanism for big record labels to make millions of dollars, along with the “artist” at hand.  It’s all the same with with musicians like Lady GaGa, Kings of Leon, Beyonce, etc etc….the list goes long…way to long.  Where are the genuine artists and musicians that our society had back in the 40s – 70s (and I can list a plethora of examples from that period)?  Every time I ask that question, or just simply ponder about the topic, one person comes to mind.

John Lennon


What a man.  Whether he was an asshole in his personal life or one of the most iconic protesters of the 70s, Lennon was one of the most beautiful, prolific, and genius musicians/poets of our time.   I believe that when it came to his beliefs, Lennon was genuine and wonderfully expressed this through the medium of music.  He sang about the issues of the world, problems that people were having, and most of this songs still resonate in today’s society and culture.  Where is our modern day John Lennon? I’m sure that there are musicians out there doing the same thing that he did, however, pop culture only allows us to view the garbage and decadence of the lifestyle of the rich and famous.  Who cares about flashy cars or insane fashion designs? Who cares about these people that big corporations are shoving down our throats? I guess if taken moderately it doesn’t hurt to listen to that type of music, but it seems to consume peoples minds.  If you want proof, turn on a radio station like Z100 and note the same 5 pop songs that are being played over and over again for the entire week (and look up the record labels that have these singers signed). If you want more proof, turn on MTV and notice that they don’t fucking play anymore music videos.  Remember when they used to be “revolutionary” documenting musical history?  Instead it has become one big advertisement for a profusion of companies.  (I think MTV is playing music videos on MTV 23 right about now).  I mean, look at the music video that won a Grammy, by the Black Eyed Peas…its an advertisement.  In the beginning of the video one of the peas in the pod is holding a freaking HP TouchSmart.  I guess rather it being a win for the Black Eyed Peas, it’s more of a win for HP.

So what does John Lennon have to do this?  I think his answer lies in his song “Working Class Hero”.  What a beautiful song with amazing lyrics.  I think it really describes society as it was then, and as it is now.  It such as a powerful song, dealing with the problems of society, specifically conformity. By listening to all this crap radio thats out there, and watching junk like the “Jersey Shore” on MTV, people are conforming to this accepted pop culture trend that really furthers corporate glory at the expense of art.  Although Lennon was discussing this on an economical level of people being “processed in the middle class machine” that capitalism creates, I think we can apply his underlying theme to all facets of modern day society.

There is so much going on in the world…so much poverty, racism, genocides, corruption, which needs to be talked about and discussed.  I understand, and believe, that music has to discuss numerous categories and not just focus on one, but I don’t believe there is enough focus on these important issues.  But what about major music stars who are helping out by bringing awareness to all of us devoid masses who barely read the news, etc.? But what about people like Bono and Celine Dion?  I guess it’s nice that they raise money for charities and all, but in the end of it they are just musicians who want good face and maybe get exempt from taxes.  I don’t care if Bono is “bringing awareness” on Africa…for any relatively intelligent person can decipher what is happening there by turning on the news or, God forbid, open up a freaking book or paper. I knew about the issues there by paying attention in my high school classes! I don’t need freaking U2 to tell me thins.  And  I really don’t care if Celine Dion sings “My Heart will Go On” every time she does a fucking interview with that twat of a reporter Larry King when something bad happens.  Notice how they are always the first on the scene when a tragedy unfortunately occurs, and also take the opportunity to meet up with high profile people outside of the music industry.  Remember when Bono met with G.W. Bush?  That must have been a very productive and exciting meeting.

Bono:  We have to help out Africa! Stop the Aids!

Bush:  Totally! Is Aids a type of drink? Hehe.

I don’t know about you, but when I want a musician to comment or get involved in serious issues, I don’t want the fake facade they put up by going around and meeting famous people and saying some sort of loving quote that they hope to be remembered by.  I want a musician to challenge society, challenge the politicians, challenge those who are doing wrong, and most important….challenge me. I want the musician to make me think about what I may be doing wrong, about what I should be doing to help society, and what is wrong and affecting all the millions of people around the world.  And this should be down by having powerful lyrics and creative music to go along with that.  Not going around acting all flashy in the cameras.  John Lennon and Bob Dylan did it to an extent.

Where is the modern working class hero that we all need?

Heavy Metal for the Soul?


So occasionally one must feel the need to let out all their feelings, such as pain, anger, love, etc, through some sort of medium in order not to emotionally breakdown.   Some people express them through sports, writing, painting, comedy and the list goes on.   One important, and I would think ubiquitous, medium of channeling one’s feeling amongst us Homo sapiens is music!!! What got me thinking about this comes from a remark that one of my esteemed friends/colleagues while listening to this band called “Korpiklaani” (I’ll get back to them later).  While playing one of their songs, called “Vodka”, my friend commented on why I was listening to, and I quote, “angry white boy music.” This comment really had me thinking.  Is Heavy Metal really “angry” and associated with “white boys”?

Now, before I continue, I would like to state that I do enjoy listening to Heavy Metal, but by no means consider myself to be a metal head.  In fact, the only really Heavy Metal band I listen to religiously is AC/DC (and I know most of you metal heads are grinding your teeth right now, but that’s something you will have to suck up or mention to your psychologist to later on).  I even saw them in concert, which I strongly recommend for someone who wants to be at a good show.  Besides AC/DC, I also tend to casually listen to other Metal bands such as Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden, and Metallica.  So in order to expand my library of music, specifically in the genre of Heavy Metal, I’ve been asking another friend of mine <Annie this is your shout out> about some of the Metal music that she listens to.  Now, before I continue on, I have noticed over the years that there seems to be a “dichotomy” among metal heads in terms of who they listen to, especially when it comes to the contemporary stuff: American/British (and Commonwealths) v. European .  I don’t necessarily believe this to hold true in all cases, but it’s a trend that I have noticed.  For example, would you say that a person who is an avid listener to the Polish blackened death metal band Behemoth be a massive fan of AC/DC.  Or, would a diehard Metallica fan listen to a band like Finntroll? I’m sure it happens, but it seems to me that there are metal heads who mostly listen to European bands and other metal heads who tend to listen exclusively to the English speaking side.  My question arises if this is something of style?  I mean, as I far as I know, I don’t think American Viking metal exists.  I don’t even think folk metal seeps itself in the U.S. at all. I could be completely wrong in my assessment, for I’m sure there are metal heads who like American bands and European bands.  Maybe, my observations are limited, or maybe my argument would work better in terms of time (older metal bands v. contemporary metal bands).  But I digress….

….Do I believe Heavy Metal to be angry?  On a general level, yes I do.  I also find it a bit scary and creepy at times (Cannibal Corpse being a case in point), but not always that.  For example, the Finnish folk metal band Korpiklaani and their song “Vodka”!! I don’t find that to be angry or scary.  In fact, I find that to be more fun and thrilling.  Now that I think of it, there are some other metal bands such as Tyr and Dragonforce (EPIC BAND) to be more fun than angry or scary.  It may interest you to know, however, that Heavy Metal has its origins in the blues, a beautiful African American genre that developed in the southern part of the United States – blues referring to the “blue devils” better known as sadness depression, and melancholy.   This leads me to the next question…

….is Heavy Metal for white boys?  Well, I know white girls who love Heavy Metal, so that question is already answered.

( I jest. I’m absolutely certain that metal heads can be found all over the world, among any race, and that it’s ignorant to assume otherwise.)

To sum up, there are so many genres of Heavy Metal that I decided not even to touch upon them.  Also, from time to time, I do like to indulge my soul in some Heavy Metal, although I am not a metal head.  So, as a reward for you reading my article, I will share with you a YouTube clip of Korpiklaani and their song “Vodka” off their latest album called Karkelo.  Two things that are noteworthy for this song are 1) they rock the hell out of the accordion and 2) their bad pronunciation of English makes the song much more enjoyable.  Have fun!!!

Avenged Sevenfold Drummer, “The Rev” found dead at home.

Yesterday, sad news entered the Heavy Metal/Hard Rock scene when Avenged Sevenfold drummer, James Owen Sullivan, passed away at his home in Huntington Beach, Orange Country, California at the young age of 28.  Sullivan, more commonly known as “The Rev” or “Reverend Tholomew Plague”, to his fans, is most commonly known for being the drummer of the metal band Avenged Sevenfold, while also performing for them as a back up vocalist (which can be heard on a few of their songs such as “”Lost” and “Afterlife”).

Sullivan was found non responsive at his home yesterday, and according to the Orange County Police Reports so far, it seems he had passed away due to natural causes.  On Monday, the band released a statement in response to the death of their band mate, stating:

“It is with great sadness and heavy hearts that we tell you of the passing today of Jimmy `The Rev’ Sullivan, . Jimmy was not only one of the world’s best drummers, but more importantly he was our best friend and brother. Our thoughts and prayers go out to Jimmy’s family and we hope you will respect their privacy during this difficult time.”

We here at Jmouth offer our sympathy to his family and band mates.  Sullivan is survived by his wife, Leana MacFadden.

Below is a link to a video of “The Rev” performing live in concert.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjQ5PdFr3bM&feature=related

Top Ten Best Christmas Songs EVER!!!

Sorry for being late with this, but better late than never!  Since last time I put you all through the pain that was a result of my picks for the Top 10 Worst Christmas songs ever, I decided to balance the scales by presenting to you what I believe to be the Top 10 BEST Christmas to have ever come out.  This list was particularly tough for me to construct, since there are so many amazing Christmas songs out there, and I know that there are many that are left out that also deserve recognition. So let’s continue the holiday fun by going over what I believe to the quintessential Christmas songs that should be on your Holiday playlist!  You’ll want to put these on your IPod!

Top Ten Best Christmas Songs

10.  Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer – Elmo and Patsy: Some of you may or may not agree with me on this, but “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” is a childhood classic.  It’s also brilliant.  What other song in the world discusses alcoholism and a “man slaughterish” (as described by Wes – a friend of mine) Santa Claus that is intended for children!  And it has catchy tune, which surprisingly may come off as annoying, but for some reason always ends up being enjoyable.  Also it’s one of the few times you can actually chuckle at a grandma being flattened by one of nature’s beasts. I don’t know about you, but whenever I hear this song I always remember my childhood around the holidays.  So hats off to Dr. Elmo Shropshire of Lexington, Kentucky for recording this awesome holiday hit.

9.    Wonderful Christmastime – Paul McCartney: I love this song.  Paul McCartney really does well combing the 1980s musical pop style with the Christmas season.  What I especially enjoy about the song is his use of simple lyrics, which express jovial sentiments towards the holiday.  Even the music to the song isn’t complex at all.  For instance, clapping can be heard near the end of the song, as if it was a part of the instrumental ensemble.  The song is unbelievably beguiling and will definitely put a smile on anyone’s face.  And it’s also Paul McCartney, which makes it all the better! Just having a Beatle mixing with the Christmas scene is bound to produce amazing stuff.  Every time I hear this song, I know that I am going to have a “wonderful Christmastime”!

8.    Blue Christmas – Elvis Presley: What kind of Christmas list would this be if the King didn’t appear on it.  A crappy one, that’s what it would be.  Although the song was written and recorded in the late forties by other people, his highness Mr. Presley made this one of the most timeless and best Christmas songs to have ever come out.  It’s so amazing hearing the King’s signature style get into the holiday mood.  This is the one song I would play if I was having a truly blue Christmas (hasn’t happened yet – knock on wood), since not only does the King express everything you’d feel, but would also cheer you up with this smooth style of singing.  If you’re feeling down, and want to turn that frown upside done, during the holidays, this is definitely the song to check out.

7.    Little St. Nick – Beach Boys: This is one of the very few songs out there in the music world where surfing music fits in with the Christmas season.  It is so fun hearing the Beach Boys sing about Santa Claus and reindeer is awesome.  I especially enjoy the part when the guys are singing about Santa’s sled:

“Just a little bobsled, we call it ol’ Saint Nick,

But she’ll walk a tobogan with a four speed stick,
She’s ol’ candy apple red with a ski for a wheel,
And when Santa hits the gas, man, just watch her peel.”

I want to ride this sled! Freakin’ four speed stick!  Every time I hear this part of the song I have the urge to want to ride this sled with Santa and the Beach Boys.  How cool is that.  The song is ridiculously catchy, has a nice tune, and the Beach Boys deliver in every way imaginable.  Who knew that summer fun could catch up to the Christmas season!

6.    It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year – Andy Williams: This song is classic and timeless.  Andy Williams, who is known to have the “voice of national treasures”, sings in probably one of his best performances.  This song is so classic that it actually takes you back to the 1960s when it was first performed.  It also has some really awesome lyrics.  For example, Andy Williams sings about various different activities that one would do during the season, such as marsh mellow toasting and mistletoeing.  And what really gets me about the song, actually haunts me a bit, is when he talks about the telling of ghost stories during Christmas.  Wtf! Where does that come from?  That’s freaking awesome, since it really makes me think.  The dude just singings about all this merry stuff, and then this out of nowhere! I don’t know about anyone telling ghost stories during Christmas (with the exception of Dickens’ A Christmas’ Carol).  This song is great either way for its relaxing while at the same time very energetic.  I think the title stands for itself when discussing how this song makes me feel.

5.    Last Christmas – Wham!: Just when you thought Christmas couldn’t get gayer (excuse the pun), George Michael, and that other dude from Wham!, come out with probably one of the most beautiful and sad Christmas songs out there.  We all have bad break ups, and if you have had one around the holiday season, then this one will really get to you.  It starts off as your typical eighties music style, however, when the singing starts, you can’t help from singing along.  Michael has a great voice, which provides the most defining aspect of the song, and the music is also pretty distinctive of the era.  Although most of us are ashamed to say we enjoy Wham!, this seems to be the one song that always makes it out in public that people will sing along with.

4.    Jingle Bells – Frank Sinatra: This is an utter classic.  It’s always amazing hearing Franky sing anything, especially if it’s a Christmas song.  The music is great and really captures the feel of the Rat Pack era.  Sinatra’s singing is impeccable, as always, and the backup singers also give the song a wonderful depth.  This was one of the songs that characterized my Christmas childhood and every time I hear it, I always feel that it’s Christmas time.  I don’t know whether or not it’s because my heritage comes from the Mediterranean, or that I am born and raised in New Jersey, but I have to have a little bit of Sinatra in my holiday.

3.    A Holly Jolly Christmas – Burl Ives: This is another timeless Christmas classic! If you do not like this song, then you simply do not have a soul.  Burl Ives, an Academy Award winner and American folk singer, gave us one of the most memorable Christmas songs ever.  Everyone knows this song, and if anything that’s what Ives is probably remembered the most for.  Do you remember him for his performance in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof? I do, and maybe you too, but everyone knows this song.  His voice is wonderfully distinctive and the music is awesome.  You can tell that Ives was filled with the Christmas spirit when hearing this song. It is filled with so much fun and joy that you can’t help but sing along and smile to it.  That is why it’s a holiday standard.  I know I’ll be having a “cup of cheer” when I hear this Holly Jolly Christmas song.

2.    Little Drummer Boy/Peace on Earth – Bing Crosby and David Bowie: This is one of my favorite Christmas songs of all time, hence it being at the #2 spot.  It combines the amazing talents of Bing Crosby and David Bowie singing another timeless classic, “Little Drummer Boy” (sung by Crosby), with newly a created (at the time) counterpart song “Peace on Earth” (sung by Bowie).  Recorded in the late 70s for Bing’s Christmas TV Special, a month before Crosby passed away, both of these fantastic artists exchange hilarious dialogue before singing this awesome song.  Why is this song awesome, you might be thinking? I’ll tell you why.  Bowie’s singing is probably at its best (if you don’t believe me then listen to it), and Bing’s vocals is also wonderfully executed, even though he does come off as a bit of a backup singer.  Also the music is wonderful, and the combination of the two songs fit in perfectly.  The message of the song is also noteworthy.  It pretty much is a passive protest song that really embodies the Christmas feel, and is pretty poetic on a level. It’s also one of the few songs (in general) that I believe genuinely promotes peace (rather than generating a profit). This is definitely one of those songs where you actually stay silent and listen to every component of the song. I strongly recommend this for anyone who is in the Christmas mood.  The only way there can be better song than this one, during the Christmas season, is if a Beatle came out with one.

1.    Happy Xmas (War is Over) – John Lennon, Yoko Ono, and the Plastic Ono Band: BAM! And a Beatle hath done it!!!  This song is probably the most brilliant Christmas song ever! Although it was meant, by the late Mr. Lennon, to be a protest song against the Vietnam War, I believe it to be unintentionally one of the greatest Christmas songs out there.  The message that the song promotes is great, simply because it makes you reflect on things that should be thought of during the Christmas season.  For example, Lennon sings “And so this is Christmas, and what have you done? Another year over, and a new one just begun.”  I think this is an important line because it really makes you reflect during the holiday season.  It is also not that complex in terms of thought, so it still keeps its enjoyable Christmas feel.  This is an awesome example, in my opinion, of a Christmas song disguised as a protest song, disguised as a Christmas song.  John Lennon was always at his A game when performing, and the addition of the Harlem Community Choir singing “War is Over, now” in the background, just gives it a wonderful warmth to the song overall.

Happy Christmas Everyone!!!

Here are some other Christmas songs receiving “honorable mentions” on my blog, that almost made the list.

“Father Christmas” – Greg Lake

“Santa Claus is Coming to Town” – Jackson 5

“Rocking Around the Christmas Tree” – Brenda Lee

“Old City Bar” – Trans-Siberian Orchestra

“Adeste Fideles” – Andrea Bocelli

“The Chipmunk Song (Christmas don’t be Late)” – Alvin and the Chipmunks

“Run Rudolph Run” – Chuck Berry

Top Ten Worst Christmas Songs Ever!

Tis’ the season to be jolly! Tis also the season for Christmas songs! Thus, in order to get into the Christmas mood, I decided to present you all with the Top Ten WORST Christmas Songs ever!!! Accompanying the list will be my own personal commentary expressing my opinions on why these supposed jovial holiday medleys instill fear rather than cheer whenever they come on the radio, TV, or whatever medium is spewing out holiday fun this year!

Top Ten Worst Christmas Songs

10.  12 Redneck Days of Christmas – Jeff Foxworthy: I’ll be honest. For the first few years of hearing this song, I actually enjoyed Jeff Foxworthy’s comedic rendition of the 12 days of Christmas.  However, as time went on, and the three blue collar comedy specials were shoved down our throats, I have come to find the song very annoying.    Hearing Jeff Foxworthy bellow out “5 Flannel Shirts” in his exaggerated Southern accent, and replacing the word “tin” for ten as a play on words, is annoying enough to place this Southern holiday hit on number 10 on my list.

9.  Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays – *NSYNC:  This song is one of the plethora of reasons for me despising pop music.  Just when you thought “boy bands” weren’t annoying enough, they had to force their slimy corporate manufactured style into the Christmas scene.  The song isn’t catchy and is barely memorable. Even to the standards of *NSYNC themselves, who were unbelievably popular at the time, their first Christmas single didn’t even make it on the Billboard Hot 100.  I don’t recommend this poor attempt at spreading Holiday cheer for anyone, especially for fans of pop music.  Also, if you happen to watch the music video for the song, I would avoid it – assuming that you value your time on this earth.  It has a cameo by Gary Coleman, who is dressed up as an elf, and calls upon the help of the fabulous five to save Christmas by taking over for Santa (who is sick) and distribute gifts to all the children around the world.  I don’t know about you, but if I saw Chris Kirkpatrick (looking the way he did in the video) giving children gifts, I would probably call for help.

8.  8 Days of Christmas – Destiny’s Child: This Christmas song is atrocious. It is horrific to my ears in every possible way.  This attempt to “hip-hopify” Christmas music is absolute garbage (if you want a good hip hop/rap Christmas song check out Snoop Dogg’s Santa Claus goes straight to the Ghetto).  The whole time Beyonce is talking about all these gifts that her boyfriend, husband, etc. is giving her, and clearly promoting corporate companies by mentioning Chloe Shades and a CLK Mercedes, while saying that it makes her feel like it’s Christmas.  Screw that!  Christmas is not about cars, CDs, or backrubs.  Granted she mentions quality time in the song (occurring on the 1st day of Christmas), however, that does not make up for the other stuff.  Christmas is about love, family, and peace – none of which is promoted in the song.  Besides that, the inane repetitiveness that accompanies “12 Days of Christmas”, which Destiny Child “honors”, makes the song unbearable. Every time I hear this song I have the urge to kick a puppy (not that I would actually do it, since puppies are freaking adorable).  You know what I would want my baby to give me on the 8th day of Christmas?  A better holiday song.

7.  Cherry Cherry Christmas – Neil Diamond: I like Neil Diamond.  I love “Sweet Caroline”.  When I heard he had a Christmas song out, I was ecstatic.  When I actually heard his song, I was disappointed.  The music that accompanies the lyrics is pretty good, and it’s sad knowing that Neil Diamond could have potentially had a Christmastime hit.  But when you listen to the lyrics of the song, you almost want to throw up in your mouth.  The man actually sings “have a merry cherry Christmas”, “have a holly holy holiday”, and “a rocky rolly Christmas”.  To make it even worse, he even mentions his song “Sweet Caroline” in the damn song! What does that have to do with Christmas? The man is plugging in his old hit song for what?   Is he really that desperate for people to revisit his older, and better, stuff?  Or is it just a bad attempt at humor?  Let’s hope for the latter.  Anyways, Neil, you say your Cherry Christmas “feels so good, so good, so good”, I say whenever I hear this sad excuse for a Christmas song, I feel “so bad, so bad, so bad”.

6.  Santa Baby – Madonna: If you want an example of a not as good rendition of Eartha Kitt’s hit Christmas single, then you found it! It sounds similar in terms of the music, however, it’s more “updated”, which isn’t really bad.  The worst part of it is Madonna’s singing…or rather whining.  She gives it the good old 1980s Madonna attitude and it just doesn’t work for me.  When Eartha Kitt sang the song, she did it in a sleek and seductive way that just wants to make you want to be Santa this Christmas, and still comes off as adorable!  When Madonna covered this song, she does it like a whiny little brat who thinks she’s cute.  Now, I’m sure some of you may be thinking… “ZJay! What the hell? You just pulled off a double standard with the Destiny’s Child song! Doesn’t Eartha Kitt or Madonna sing about lavish gifts that she wants for Christmas?”  Yes, that is true to an extent; however, with “Santa Baby” no company is trying to sell a product, and the accruement of the gifts requested is not associated with the meaning or feeling of Christmas.  Bottom line is, this thousandth cover of “Santa Baby”, performed by Madonna, is one holiday song to avoid this season.

5.  Last Christmas – Hilary Duff: Surprise, surprise!  Disney came out with a bad Christmas song! Now, I do not have anything personally against Hilary Duff, but come on!!! This is a horrible cover of a great song by Wham! The reason why this is bad is because it does not replicate the 1980s feel of the original (which makes it so good), and instead gives it a “teeny bopper” take on music, which is really the crap of pop music.  Just the way the song is set up in order to replicate the far superior older version, in a modern “pop” way, just fails.  For example, in the time mark of 34 seconds in the song, you can hear the freaking song turn into a Britney Spears song!!! Also the poor attempt to use the backup singers as a replacement for the 2nd singer of Wham! that nobody recalls is just plain ridiculous!  But anyways, since “Last Christmas” is one of my favorite songs <hint for next article>, I give Ms. Duff the honor of being number 5 on my worst Christmas songs ever.

4.  Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer – William Hung: William Hung is absolute garbage when it comes to music.  His cover of “Rudolph” is absolute garbage.  I don’t even know why he is covering Christmas songs.  To be honest, I don’t even know why he was recording after his freaking American Idol “try-out”.  I don’t like William Hung.  I don’t like any of his songs.  I especially don’t like him attempting to sing Christmas songs.  To be honest, I can’t really think of anything more to say about this, besides that is just sucks.  Avoid it with all your heart, and I’m sure you’ll have a Merry Christmas.

3.  Christmas Tree – Lady Gaga: Lady Gaga, you are the bane to my ear’s existence when it comes to music.  To think that you have found a way to whore yourself more through a different medium just utterly astonishes me.  In order to illustrate my point, I will give a brief analysis of her lyrics: <WARNING – following material may not be suitable for children under 17 years of age>

v. 1. “Light me up with me on top lets falalalalalalala (x2)” – you’d be the last thing I’d put on top my Christmas tree.  (Btw, I do understand the innuendos) Get it, she’s a star!

v.2. “The only place you wanna be is underneath my Christmas tree (x2)” – keep in mind she just compared her “gaga” to a Christmas tree…more so a tree. Think of that.  I don’t know about you, but that is not appealing to me.  Considering that Christmas trees are decorated – hence differentiating them from normal trees – and giving her apparent promiscuity, I dare not imagine what she could mean by that.

v.3. “Ho, ho, ho…” – Yes, you are.

v.4. “My Christmas tree is delicious (x2)” – subtle.

v.5. “Here we go…cherry cherry boom boom” O_O Ew.

If you by any chance think this is a good Christmas song, or a good song in general, then you should be ashamed of yourself.

2.  Christmas Conga – Cindy Lauper: I despise Cindy Lauper.  In fact, she is on my shit list when it comes to music.  I never thought “Girls Just Want to Have Fun” was cute, and I will never forgive her for messing up “Another Brick on the Wall Part 2” at Roger Waters “The Wall Live in Berlin” concert.  Also, I think her voice sounds like a dying cat.  If you want to hear pure pain coming out of cute and furry little animals then listen to her songs.  So when I discovered she had a Christmas album out, entitled “Merry Christmas…Have a Nice Life” (stupid right?), I figured there has to be a horrific holiday song in there.  And to my dismay, I found it.  Christmas Conga is the one of the biggest pieces of shit Christmas music that I have ever…ever heard in my life.  I almost bled out of my ears when I heard this utter crap.  It is garbage.  This is a song that would drive Santa Claus away from celebrating Christmas.  The song comes off incredibly stupid and silly that your IQ will actually drop.  The chorus of the song is actually “Bonga Bonga Bonga, do the Christmas Conga”, and in the middle of the song she says in her atrocious attitude sounding voice “I’d like to take this opportunity to wish you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year…And by the way, have a nice life” – you know because she’s so freaking cool.  Cindy Lauper could do us all a favor if she “Bongas Bongas Bongas” her way out of the Christmas scene, and preferably, out of the music scene for ever.

1.  The Twelve Pains of Christmas – Bob Rivers: I cannot even begin to tell you how much I dislike this song with a passion.  I would rather listen to the Christmas Conga.  This song is so annoying to the point where I almost don’t want to celebrate Christmas anymore.  When it first came out, it was funny for about the first minute, and then it turned into the most aggravating Christmas parody in the world.  I already mentioned two other “12 Days of Christmas” renditions in this list (so you can see a trend here) and this one just sends chills in my spine.  Hearing the guy who sings “hangovers” for the second pain of Christmas just wants me to drink to a stupor and get a freaking hangover.  And I want to punch the little freaking kid who is whining for stuff in the song. The repetition of all the lines is just painful, and will turn your car ride into a really uncomfortable headache.  It’s obnoxious. The whole song is just freaking obnoxious and not funny! And screw you Z100 for shoving this insufferable song through our ears all these years on the radio.  This is the worst Christmas song to have been created, in my book, and I can give you twelve reasons to why this song is a  pain in my holiday ham.

That’s my list of the ten worst Christmas songs ever to come out.  Come back next time to see my list the Top 10 Best Christmas songs of all time.  Also, don’t forget to check out the rest of Jmouth for some really amazing stuff!

Poker Face

I do not like Lady Gaga’s music. I’m sorry to say it, but I am not a fan of these Pop Singer/Song Writers, or as I like to call them “glorified strippers”.  After having tuned into numerous popular radio stations, such as Z100 or the disappointing now 92.3 (formerly KROCK), I was coerced into listening to the same five “popular” songs of the week, month, etc. by these so called musicians.  With every one of these songs that come out, I still ask the same question every time.  Why listen to this crap?

When I listen to a song, I want quality.  I would assume that it is the same with everyone else who listens to music (except for fans of punk – since they intentionally play badly as their form of expression). Now, I am not trying to put down certain genres, for I understand every person has their own tastes in music.  However, I do believe that there is utter crap within those different genres. Thus, I am christening my first article with a review of Lady Gaga’s hit song…Poker Face!  In my opinion, I believe that she does not show quality in her songs.  There is no substance and wit within her lyrics and the music that accompanies her words shows no originality within her genre.  In order to back up my opinion, I offer an analysis of her hit song in this article.

In this delightful song, demoiselle Gaga uses the holy game of poker <Leonard Cohen reference> as a metaphor for sexually teasing a man. (It was also mentioned by Gaga that it is a metaphor for her bisexuality).  As colorful as this metaphor is, in literary terms, the lyrics

aren’t anything brilliant, not poetic, and do not require much thinking.  In fact, they are pretty inane, especially near the end of the song.  For example, in the last verse, or stanza, of the song, Lady Gaga sings:

“I won’t tell you that I love you, kiss or hug you, cause I’m bluffing with my muffin, I’m not lying I’m just stunning with my love-glue-gunning .”

This isn’t poetry people.  Say the lyrics out loud…stop reading and say this out loud.  It’s ridiculous. First, she refers to her gaga as a “muffin” as she mentioned in Rolling Stone, and I quote:

“Obviously, it’s my pussy’s poker face! I took that line from another song I wrote but never released, called ‘Blueberry Kisses.’ It was about a girl singing to her boyfriend about how she wants him to go down on her and I used the lyric. [Gaga sings] ‘Blueberry kisses, the muffin man misses them kisses’.”[1]

Classy.  Real Classy.  Now don’t get me wrong.  I am not a crazy censor who believes that sexual innuendoes should be forbidden, and I am definitely not a prude (for I consider sexuality to be a beautiful thing).  I just believe that there should be a bit of maturity in one’s artistic work.

For instance, in The Who song “Pictures of Lily” (just to divert out of the genre for a bit), the theme of discovering masturbation is dealt with; however, it is executed in a tasteful way (forgive the Freudian slip).   Secondly, she mentions a glue gun in the song. I’ve never ever listened to a song that had a glue gun mentioned in it.  Did an 8th grader write this after an arts and crafts class?

As for the actual music of the song, nothing special occurs there either.  It sounds just like any other club, pop, dance, electronic (and some techno) songs, and there are many other “club” songs that have far superior beats or tunes to it.  There is no originality in it.  In fact, I barely hear any instruments.  When I listen to music, I expect at least one or two instruments.  There are many different types of songs comparable to Gaga’s that include instruments.

It is so sad listening to this song and others like it (such as Fergie’s “My Humps” – as illustrated by Alanis Morissette’s beautiful rendition of it).  It is sad that this song topped the billboard charts for twenty seven weeks.  It is sad that this is one of the most popular songs today.  Why, do you ask, I say this is sad?  It is because other talented artists in today’s society are being completely shafted because of “artists” like this.  However, to give some credit to Lady Gaga, she has a pretty decent voice, which is unfortunately being wasted away in this commercially produced units of sound that are being passed off a songs by big corporate companies. Anyways, the bottom line of this article is that “Poker Face” by Lady Gaga is another disappointing song that will be shoved down our throats by Z100 until we all throw up.  You know that a song is bad when South Park covers the song and it turns out to be more delightful than the original.

Before I finish up, I present to you two links to check out if you enjoyed this article.  The first is Cartman singing “Poker Face” and the second is a wonderful acapella version of the song done by the brilliant Christopher Walken.  Enjoy!

Cartman

Walken

That’s the end of my first article on ZJay Music! for Jmouth.  Thank you for your patience when reading and I hope to hear any opinions, especially if they are opposing.  I also hope that you come back and continue reading my articles, as well as the other wonderful articles on the site!

[1] http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/25921604/qa_lady_gaga/2

Welcome to the newly added Music Reviews on Jmouth!

I’m ZJay, your music critic for the site, and will provide you with insightful reviews of a plethora of artists and albums from the many different genres that you may or may not be well acquainted with.  In this blog, I will discuss a different aspect of the music world, both old and new, and express my opinions on it.  In terms of the format of the blog, I have no real idea on how I want to organize my material.  Sometimes you’ll find a review about an album or artist or maybe just a single song.  Another time you will find a top ten list or just random ramblings on something that may or may not even be related to the topic or theme at hand.  Also, one thing that I want to do on this blog is introduce some new independent artists in the music scene, specifically from Toronto, Canada. So if you are interested in music, and want to be exposed to music that you may have never heard of before, then please frequent this blog as much as humanly possible!  Thanks for your patience!

Your Music Critic,

ZJay